Ajeeb larki hoon

Ajeeb larki hoon Khudh ko jalana chahti hoon
Mein khudh ko rakh kar kaheen bhool jana chahti hoon,

Meray naseeb ki khushiyan bhi kab milen mujhko
Bas ab to umer bhar ansoo bahana chahti hoon,

Najaney kitni mohabbat hai ranj-o-gham sai mujhe
Koi bhi dard ho dil mein chupana chahti hoon,

Baha baha kai yeh ansoo bikhar chuki hoon buhut
simat kai zaat mein ab muskurana chahti hoon,

Jisey aik umer sai Dil mein basa kai rakha hai
Woh raaz aaj mein sab ko batana chahti hoon,

Wohi yaad hai jo acha kaha hai loghon nai
Baqaya sarey sitam bhool ...

jokes

Not yet!

A 65 year old woman who has a baby with the help of a fertility specialist.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it." Laughing

Fart Jokes

Three old men were sitting on a bench in a park, when a reporter approached them.
"I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell us your secret to long life," the reporter asked.
The three old men agreed. The first old man was asked his secret to his long life.
"I'm teetotaler, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years."
"Wow, that's really remarkable!" said the reporter. "What's your age?"
"I'm 95," said the man.
The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life.
"I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often and I dated some."
"And how old are you?" asked the reporter.
"I'm 90," said the old man.
Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life.
"I dated every woman that would go out with me,
I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day."
"Wow!" said the reporter.
"And how old are you?"
"28," replied the man.

Fart jokes

The New York Times has reported that a new virus has recently been discovered. This virus is very contagious and one person can pass it on to millions of other people. The Center for Disease Control reports that this virus spreads very rapidly and there is no cure for it. They have given this virus an appropriate name.









It is called...... ..



UH! OH! You have the virus! It's too late!! I can see it on your face! ALERT! ALERT!

Life

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help.. So, have a nice day.
I love you. And, remember... If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.. Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!

Now, you have a nice day.
God

God has seen you struggling, God says it's over.
A blessing is coming your way. If you believe in God

I Love You in 100 languages

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra'dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws"

The Silent Treatment

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence(and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM" He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

MBA can do everything

EXCLUSIVELY FOR MANAGEMENT STUDENTS


Ques: We know that 2/10=0.2

but

Prove that 2/10=2

Ans : Normal college students insist Question is "OUT of Syllabus".

but

Management Students replied:

2=two,
10=ten.

therefore Two/Ten = Two/Ten = wo/en.

w=23,
o=15,
e=5,
n=14.

therefore

w+o=23+15=38
&
e+n=5+14=19

Therefore wo/en=38/19= 2.

Hence Proved

FOR, Management Students
“ It doesn’t matter ans kya hai, they say ans kya lana he."

MY One LOVE

MY One and only LOVE
There are just so many words
But I can't find one that's perfectly true.
I have said lots of I love you's
Have given you lots of kisses and hugs
I have given you my all
But still those are just not enough.
You're the only one I desire
You're the only one in my heart
Through good and
To my one and only love
That no one will ever compare
Take this simple vow
Let this be my devotion forever.
I love you and I will never leave you
No matter what happens I'll always be true

Kaise Mein bhula doon

Har ek ne mujh se kaha yeh ke tujhe bhulla doon
tu hi bata aur ab khud ko kiya saza doon

tere kehne pe to apne laboon ko see chuka hoon
teri har ada ko kaise mein hula doon

jo gulti na thee meri tere kehne pe ushe bhi apna manna maine
tere ishq mein pagal kehta hai mujh yeh sara zamana

ab to chod de mujh ko tu aur azmana
khud ko duniya ki nazar mein aur kitna gira doon

tu hi bata kaise main tujh ko bhula doon...

Tum ho toh sab pyara hai

Hath haatho mai leke puchti ho, puchun kya?
sab le kar mera kehti ho, kuch maanguN kya?

Bechain hoke kehna, tumko meri pehchaan nahi
apna aaina tumhe de diya, aur ab mai du kya?

Rafta rafta raazon ko mere zabt kar liya..
haaye! phir kehna anjaan ka, mai tumhara Hun kya?

Meri dhadkan sunti ho, saansen bhi ginti ho..
Aur ye kaisa sawal? mai tumhe chhuun kya??

Meri shab o sahar ho guzar, teri baaton mai!
Aur tum kaho mujse, tumse aake milu kya?

Kitni baar in aankhon ne sunaayi daastan..
Aur tum ho k puche jaate ho, hai aarzoo kya?

Tumhe kya khabar sookun is nazar ka tum ho!
varna kise yaha khabar thi, hai khushboo kya?

Na puchna ab ki baar kahaan ho, kaise ho
tum ho toh sab pyara hai, aansoon kya, lahoo kya!!

To you my love: the reasons i love him

1. you make me smile

2. you make me laugh

3. i like your style

4. i love our math

5. you + me, goes forever indeed

6. eternity is where we are, gazing at the endless stars

7. you call me sweetu, baby, and angel

8. you make me blush so much, i don't know what to say

9. you cheer me up, whenever i am down

10. you make me smile instead of frown

11. you try your best to satisfy my heart

12. you care for me and do your part

13. your not like the rest that don't give a dang

14. you got the looks and man can you sang!

15. you constantly remind me or how much you care

16. you're so amazing its hard not to stare

17.to me your eyes sparkle in the light

18. your body heat warms when I'm cold at night

19. even if me and you aren't in the same room, i can still hear your heart beat

20. you tell me I'm prefect no matter what

21. and you don't take advantage of me

22. you're my shining star, that likes race cars

23. to me our love is like a racing track

24. the goal is to keep going forward, and never back

25. we are the perfect match, you and me

26. i even opened your precious heart with my single key

27. so what I'm trying to say, it that i love you forever and hope you stay

my tigger, my baby, the man i trust,

Why am i not Dog

Abey saale kuttey
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.
.
.
.
..
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Abe Saale ....
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..


Oye Lucky Lucky Oye

Name Astrology

Does your name begin with: A
U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get.You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is! intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: B
You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an ______expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your ______expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite & feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: C
You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness . You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, Needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this.. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: D
Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full Steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on . You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement's, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp & talented often with sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper .
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: E
Your greatest need is to talk If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover)
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: F
You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find . You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover. ___________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: G
You are fastidious, seeking within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is yourintellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active-never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people. Error! Filename not specified.
___________________________________________________________

Does your name begin with: H
You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life ,fun & everything You seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have Attained a commitment. You are very affectionate & very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvement's often as you believe that you have to look out for yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. Yo! u are a perfectionist , hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with/ a passion for life.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: I
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped . You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking spend hours just touching feeling & exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of ______expression . You bore easily and thus require adventure change. Your commitments don't last very long & you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of! your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

---------------------------------
Does your name begin with: J
You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. (you could dance all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game.You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long- distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: K
You are secretive , self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game .Org, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: L
You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your ______expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on . You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. "You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated ".
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: M
You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that Appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire- at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: N
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you Throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom . You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: O
You are very interested in fun activities.Org yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking we. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requiring the same qualities From your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness , which must be kept in check.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: P
You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or Reputation. Appearances count . Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes .Org. You are relatively free of hang- ups.You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things.You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: Q
You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy . It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: R
You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best . You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: S
For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue . You could get jealous and possessive. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the rightperson to come along. You are very generous &am! p; giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: T
You are very sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights & romantic thoughts. You fantasize & tend to fall in & out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, mushy & extremely. You enjoy having your senses & your feelings stimulated, titillated & teased. You are a great flirt . You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great thing! s. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life. !
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: U
You are enthusiastic & at your happiest when in love. When not in love you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as challenge. You are a roamer & needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts & looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: V
You are individualistic & you need freedom, space & excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear & suspense.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: W
You are very , determined & refuses to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love & tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: X
You need constant stimulation because you get bored . You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.
---------------------------------

Does your name begin with: Y
You are sensual & very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing .Org. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money . you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

HUSAN BEWAFA HOTA HEI

Naujawani ki God me Aksar Ishq Jawan Hota Hai

Baarhan Hichkiyon se Humara Guzar Hota Hai

Siddat-E-Gham me Jab dubti hain Hamari Aankhen

Dil Tadap Kar Kahta Hai Husn Bewafa Hota hai

Raah-E-Wafa pe Jab Humara dur tak Guzar Hota Hai

Aankhen nam hoti hain Ashkon me Unka Sehar(Jaadu) Hota Hai

Khaak-E-Wafa pe Jab Muskurati Hain Unki Aankhen

Dil Tadap Kar Kahta Hai Husn Bewafa Hota hai

Din ke Ujale Raat ki Tanhaayi bhi Unke Nazar Hota Hai

Musarraton ki Mahfil me bhi Unka Gham Basar Hota hai

Wada-E-Husn ki Kirchiyan jab tut kar Chubhti Hain Hume

Dil Tadap Kar Kahta Hai Husn Bewafa Hota hai

Jaadu-E-Ishq ka jab Haqiat me Badal Hota Hota Hai

Humari Nazron me apni barbadi ka Nagar Hota hai

Wafa ki Khaak me jab dekhte hain Apni Nakaamyaabi Ka Manjr

Dil Tadap Kar Kahta Hai Husn Bewafa Hota hai

Ye rishta agar toota

Ye rishta agar toota tau naa baat raheygi

Naa tarey marey payaar ki soghaat raheygi

Husrut raheygi naa koi aarzoo tumhein

Bin baadlon k aankh mein barsaat raheygi

Khowabon mein yadein tujh ko rolaaingi isqadar

To her ghadi hijr mein baytaab raheygi

Chehray pey rung naya laayega izteraab

Khoshyun mein bhi tulkhi ke baraat raheygi

Her shay azaab bun k bujha daygi her diya

Mein abaad rahonga naa tou abaad raheygi

Ahsaas jis lumhey sataayega beyhisaab

Naa din ye raheingey naa raat raheygi

Oon faaslon sey Shaukat laotogay kis tarhan

Jub baykarari dil ki tarey saath raheygi.

Sochta hoon

Sochta hoon keh usay neend bhi aati hogi

Ya meri terha faqat ashq bahati hogi

Wo meri shakal mera naam bhulanay wali

Apni tasweer se kya aankh milati hogi

Is zameen per bhi hai sailaab mere ashkoon se

Mere matam ki sada arsh hilati hogi

Sham hotay hee wo chokhat pe jala ker shamein

Apni palkon pe kayi khaab sulati hogi

Us ne silwa bhi liye hongay siyah libaas

Ab ram janne ki terha dewali manati hogi

Hoti hogi mere bosay ki talab mey pagal

Jab bhi zulfon mey koi phool sajati hogi

Mere tareek zamanon se nikalnay wali

Roshni tujh ko meri yaad dilate hogi

Dil ki masoom ragein khud hee sulagti honngi

Jonhi tasweer ka kona wo jalati hogi

Roop de ker mujhe us mey kisi shahzaday ka

Apnay buchon ko kahani wo sunati hogi

We all use our work telephones

The phone bill was exceptionally high and
the man of the house called a family meeting...
On a Saturday morning...
after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable.
You have to limit the use of the phone.
I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here,
I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too,
I never use the home phone.
I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem?
We all use our work telephones !!!!!

Fart Jokes

Girl-to-Boy - Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl - Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.
************ ********* ********* *********

Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha - Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati - Namaste Sasur Ji
************ ********* ********* *********

Santa ne Banta se kaha,"Sabse bada challenge kya hai?"
Banta replied - Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.
************************ ********* ******
Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *

Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala - I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!
************ ********* ********* ********* *

Daughter : Mummy khana kaise banaya jata hai.
Mummy : Pinky, meine kitni baar tumse kaha hai ki apne papa ke kaam
ki baat mujhse mat pucha karo!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *

Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!
************ ********* ********* ********* *

Boss ki wife achana office pahuch gayi. Usne secretary ko boss ke god
me baithe dekh liya. Boss bina ghabraye bola, "Kaan kholkar sun lo. Budget ki
chahe kitni hi kami ho, mein ek chair se kaam nahi chala sakta.
Dusri chair kharidne ka order aaj hi de do"

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *****

A sardar had a baby after 3 months of marriage. He suspected
and asked to his wife, "Ye 3 month me hi baccha kaise hua?"

Wife Replied : Tumhari shaadi ko kitne din hue?
Sardar : Three months

Wife : Aur meri shaadi ko?
Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Aur bacha kitne month ke baad?
Sardar : 3 months.

Wife : Total kitne months hue?
Sardar : Oye 9 months & start dancing Balle Balle!!!!
************ ********* ********* *********


Sardar ne makhi ke legs tod kar kaha, Ja udd ja..
Lekin Makkhi nahi udi, Sardar ne kaha..
"Aab to saabit ho gaya ki agar makkhi ke legs tod di jaye
to makkhi sun nahi sakti!!!"

************ ********* ********* *********
Ek din Santa jungle se gujar raha tha
Chudail ne use roka aur kaha : Ho ho ho Ha ha ha…Mein Chudail hu.
Sardar : Menu pata hai…kyunki teri ek behen meri biwi hai!

************ ********* ********* ********* *


Ek chor Sardar jee k mobile ko lekar bhar raha tha.
Sardar hasne laga
Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.

Sardar : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai!

************ ********* ********* ********* *

Sardar ke radio me kuch problem ho gayi to aur kharab ho gaya
Usne radio khol kar dekha to ek mara hua chuha mila
Ye dekh kar sardar gussa ho gaya aur bola : Ye chalega kaise?
Sala singer hi mara pada hai

************ ********* ********* ********* ***
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
********************* ******
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist named John complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them."Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked John.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family..

John asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and fuck the shit out of my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, have sex, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

John interrupted, "I have a M.B.A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied John.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting, " answered John, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, have sex, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"

Beyond Thinking

New BLUE Tooth

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Read it with a pinch of salt!

Not to offend anyone…….. Read it with a pinch of salt!! ( Funny )

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.

Two Bengalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.

More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team

**********
Bihari

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna ...

**********
Punjabi

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

**********
Mallu

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

**********
UP Bhaiyya

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

**********
Gujju

One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombay train.

Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.

Three Gujjus = Bombay 's noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

**********
Andhraite

One Andhraite = chili farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey ..

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

**********
Kashmiri

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

**********
Tamil-Brahmin

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple..

Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

**********
Mumbaikar

One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Mumbaikars= film studio.

Three Mumbaikars = slum.

Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.

**********
Sindhi

One Sindhi = currency racket.

Two Sindhis = papad factory.

Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar ...

Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

**********
Marwari

One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta

Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.

Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.

**********
Haryanvi

One Haryanavi = tube light

Two Haryanavi = agriculture

Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad

Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough


************